As usual, time with FedBooHusband leaves me feeling some kind of way. Several kinds of ways actually. Wistful, always wishing we had more time. But then resolute that things are they way they have to be because of the commitment we both happily make as parents.  And then wistful again because our time together is like oxygen, fuel.  Our time, his love…they move me forward.

I was talking with a friend recently and she was lamenting something in her marriage that I knew all-too-well in my first marriage: That running on empty feeling, and the inevitable crash and burn that comes with it.  It feels good now to be full.  FBH is fond of saying, “We’re not perfect. But we’re perfect for each other.”  And he’s right, because whatever challenges we face, we face them together, and he keeps my tank full which is exactly what I need.

FBH and I have a standing joke; we say:  “You know, I love you today and I like you.”  So…I’m feeling really, really in love this morning, and really in like too.  When I feel things strongly, sometimes I struggle to find the words to express it.  Or rather, the words that do come to mind feel inadequate, so I look for others’ words, to capture what I’m feeling.  To affirm and, in this case, celebrate it.  On love, Anaïs Nin is my go-to woman:

“Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.”

“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

“The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.”

This morning, these words are my meditations, my prayers of thanksgiving.  I’m ready to start my day.

Our whole family vacation at Cedar Point, 2010

When our oldest daughter Taylor approached El Ex and me with the idea for an all-kids episode of “Co-Parenting Matters”, we thought it was a genius idea (not that we’re biased on anything). She said, “Co-parenting is for the kids, so kids should talk about it, right?”

Right! So our kids are taking over the next episode of “Co-Parenting Matters”! Join our daughters, Taylor (13) and Peyton (8), and my stepdaughter Lauren (almost 13) as they answer kids’ questions about co-parenting, give shout-outs to co-parents from their kids, and offer some Kid-Approved New Year’s Resolutions for Co-Parents.

Does your kid have a co-parenting question or want to give a shout-out? Send them our way: info@coparenting101.org, or post a comment below.

We hope you and your kids will tune in for a very special show at a very special kid-friendly time, 6 PM EST, Sunday December 18th!

Yesterday, BabyGirl shared with me a list of what she calls, “Thanksgiving Thanks”:

Family
Life
Friends
School
Food
Love
Books
Words
Dogs
Cats
Close [clothes]
Shoes
Fun
Trees
Colors
Ari*
The moon
Music

My heart? Melted.

*I have no idea who Ari is.

ETA: Mystery solved. Ari = air

Each of us in our small ways cannot hope to dismantle the power structures that be—we are no mighty raging water that can flatten houses. But each small act of kindness and mercy toward another, each moment we take to listen to another’s story with compassion and a willingness to change, each time we make sure that no one is left behind, we have welcomed in a tiny portion of the kingdom of God. We are capable, perhaps, of only the trickle of water that carved the Grand Canyon, drop by drop, day by day. But raging waters are simply an accumulation of drops of water acting in concert—we might yet be God’s hands in the tearing down of systemic injustice. We ought, at least, be sure our part of the stream is moving that way.

Go therefore into this week and keep watch. Keep watch for any and every way you can address injustice. Keep watch for how you might change yourself. Keep watch for what you might offer to another. The day is coming, and it may indeed be dark, but let us fill our lamps with the oil of kindness and love, let us remind one another to get gas, let us share what we have as much as possible—if there is any way to keep the door open for latecomers and foolish ones, let us do so. For in this way we also serve our God who came and dwelt among us, first as a little baby and then as a man, willing to die for his love.

From Publisher’s Lunch

Deesha Philyaw and Michael Thomas’s CO-PARENTING 101: Advice from a Formerly Married Couple on Parenting Across Two Households, the first book co-authored by a divorced couple for whom co-parenting is central to their daily lives, providing expert advice, practical tips, and tried-and-true tactics developed from real life co-parenting experiences, to Melissa Kirk at New Harbinger, for publication in 2013, by Danielle Chiotti at Upstart Crow Literary(World).

Please do yourself a favor and check out the latest addition to my blogroll, For Harriet. The site’s tagline says it all: Celebrating the fullness of black womanhood.  The content is smart, thoughtful, and edifying.  I don’t come away from it feeling like, “Heard it all before…” or “We need to do better…”  I come away from the articles challenged, encouraged, and informed.  There’s no shortage of folks talking about and at black women; For Harriet is the conversations we have with ourselves, our best selves.

If you’re a stepmom or if you love a stepmom, do check out  January ssue of Stepmom Magazine.  The good folks there are celebrating their 2nd anniversary, and like all issues, it’s a can’t-miss! I recently submitted an article to Stepmom about my experiences as a stepmom in a long-distance marriage.  Lately, I’ve been writing more and in different contexts about being a stepmom.  This is my newest tribe.

I’m so thankful for my tribes. My girlfriends, my crew, my lovelies.  I have several, and sometimes, they overlap.  My mama-writer tribe, my adoptive-mama-tribe, my artist-sister tribe, two Martini Moms tribes (one set for each of my daughters’ grades at school), my Twitter tribe, and my newest one…the stepmama tribe, a group of women who “get it” because they too are living it.  Whether “it” is struggles with stepkids, husbands, BMs (biomoms or babymamas, depending on the circumstances, also known as ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, ex-whatevers).   Stepmoms need spaces to vent, commiserate, share wisdom, and support each other.   We need publications like Stepmom mag, and we need public and private forums where our diverse experiences are validated.

I know of several stepmoms who have gone “underground” and are blogging anonymously (or not at all) because their husbands’ exes stalked their original blogs, left harassing comments, and/or angled to use the blog content as a weapon in court. Cyber-courage has folks acting a fool, for real.  Then there are the exes who stalk their children’s stepmoms’ blog daily, lurking, and never leave a comment, looking, hoping, for only God knows what. (Note: Thanks to analytics, no one is ever truly anonymous on these Interwebs. Ever.) Perhaps the article in the current issue of Stepmom, “Why the EX seems CRAZY and What YOU Need to Do” can shed some light.

So hat’s off to Stepmom mag and every outlet that celebrates and supports stepmoms, out loud.

You can read it here.

“2010 Co-Parenting Resolutions” from my column at The Faster Times: These are still fresh for ’11!