And I had a serious appreciation for The O’Jays, thanks to my mother.

I also recall having “a song” with my college sweetheart (now ex-husband), “So Good” by Al Jarreau. But somewhere along the way, at some point between getting married the first time and meeting TechBooHusband, I fell out of love with love songs. I came to resent them for what I perceived as their broken promises as to what love would be like. I knew that love songs, like fairy tales, weren’t the same as real life. But like fairy tales, love songs do capture truths about real life: the struggles and the heartaches, the passion and the sweetness. My real life had “struggles and heartaches” covered. But it was seriously missing the passion and the sweetness that love songs went on and on about.

So around 2001 or so, I swore them off. Not consciously, however, I just found myself cringing and turning away whenever a love song from the past came on. Instead, I put Joni Mitchell and Erykah Badu in heavy rotation, and they became the soundtrack to my writing and my life as a whole. Through the end of my marriage, through the deaths of my parents and my grandmother, they were pretty much all I listened to. Oh, and Loretta Lynn’s album “The Van Lear Rose.”

Then along comes TechBoo, a veritable treasure trove of R&B and Soul classics. There’s not a song in these genres that this man doesn’t know, no matter how obscure. From even the early days of our “getting to know you”, he had no qualms about belting out song after song as we talked on the phone, serenading me. I was smitten and flattered, but there was still that part of me that cringed. These were the kinds of songs I had sworn off because my disappointment where love was concerned was so great, and now here’s this guy, crooning his heart out to me. I was torn, and I didn’t know how to respond.

TechBoo’s serenades, his declarations of love, his compliments, and his words of respect and appreciation made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t figure out why. Wasn’t this what I’d longed for? For the songs to be true?

As I later told him and my close friends, his love for me sent me back to therapy where I realized a hard truth about myself: I didn’t know how to take a compliment. More importantly, I didn’t know how to be loved, romantically.

I wanted my therapist to give me solid solutions. What was I supposed to say or do, how was I supposed to act, when this man was sweet to me? She gave me the most infuriating answer: “Just be. Bask in it.”

Easier said than done. But eventually, I did it. And I opened up to TechBoo about why I hadn’t been entirely comfortable with his serenades. Turns out, he understood better than I thought he would. He didn’t sing his heart out to those songs because he’d been in love like that before me, because he hadn’t; he sang like that because like me, he’d always wanted love like that. Unlike me, however, he’d always found solace and joy in the songs, even though they did not mirror his real-life.

So, eyes wide open, we jumped into love, knowing that it would involve not only sweetness and passion, but also heartaches and struggles…and kids and bills and logistics and distance and change. Through it all, we love. We will sometimes announce to each other, “I LIKE you today!” Because while we never stop loving each other, the “like” thing can change from time to time. I don’t think anyone has ever written a “love” song about that truth, lol. But what we have is better than a love song…it’s our song.

Once, we did karaoke together…a duet, “Always” by Atlantic Starr. We sounded horrible. I have no delusions whatsoever that I can carry a tune, but OMG…where was that smooth, melodic voice that serenaded me over the phone??? TechBoo’s performance proved that love is not only blind, but deaf!

These days, I find it easier to be loved. I find it oxygen. When I feel myself crumbling under the weight of the 50-leven things I’m trying to launch and manage as a self-employed mother, I get a text saying:

“Honey, I think you are doing a great job holding it all together. I love you.”

And I look at me through his eyes, and I see that I am doing a good job. Love isn’t just the mushy promises in the song. Love is useful. It’s edifying.

So…slowly, slowly, very slowly…I’m making my way back to love songs. TechBooHusband is still singing, and I even make requests from time to time.

Two songs that played in my head as I wrote this are embedded below. First up, Jackie Wilson. His voice makes me angry that auto-tune is even legal:

And for you new-schoolers…

I wish you love, laughter, and light!

Inspired by our pooches, MiniMe and Daddy’sGirl (my youngest bonus daughter), just penned the following parody of “Single Ladies.” Hee-larious…

All my single doggies (x7)

Now put your paws up
Up in the doghouse, just woke up
Doin’ my own puppy thing
I decided to bark (bark)
Now you gonna lick (lick)
‘Cause another pug noticed me
I’m up on him, he’s up on me
Don’t pay him any attention
‘Cause you’ve had your turn, and now you gonna learn
What it’s really like to have fleas!

Chorus
‘Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it
‘Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it
Don’t be mad when you see I peed on it
‘Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it

Woof, woof, wooof
Woof, woof, wooof
Woof, woof, wooof
Woof, woof, wooof
(repeat)

Chorus

Got crumbs on my lips
Harness on my hips
Hold me tighter than all those fleas
Acting up, drank from the toilet
Couldn’t care less what you think
I get no crate time, did I mention?
Don’t care, don’t pay any attention.
‘Cause I whimpered and whimpered for three good years
You can’t be mad at me.

Chorus

Don’t put me in the crate anymore
I’m not that type of dog
A rub is what I prefer, what I deserved
Now here is an owner that crates me and crates me
From infinity and beyond
See, I’m the dog you want
‘Cause if you don’t, you’ll be alone
Like a ghost, I’ll be gone

All my single doggies (x7)

‘Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it
‘Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it
Don’t be mad when you see I peed on it
‘Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it

Woof, woof, wooof!

So what does summertime mean for us, married-with-kids, across 2 states?  For starters, it means great weather which means fewer flights and more road trips to get to each other.  It also means long, indulgent weeks booed up in the same place, sometimes with kids, sometimes without, though always with…

It means Grillmaster TechBoo getting me addicted to this:

…and then after dinner taking the fam out to do this:

or this:

…in preparation for a fall 5K.

It also means sweet moments like yesterday when my bonus daughter, L-Boogie, invited me to come to her school awards program.

Of course I gladly did, and bonus: on the way back to her seat, she stopped to give me hug–and L-Boogie is not a hugger, so this was extra special.

Summertime also means camps for the girls and an all-family get-together with El Ex and Sherry.  This summer, we continue our love affair with:

Fortunately, all the girls are daredevils so this image isn’t an accurate representation.

Ah, summer…

“Please put down your hands…cuz I see you.”

“Bedroom eyes, headband to the si-ide…”

They just don’t write lyrics like that anymore. I am officially old…school.

Anyway.

When I’m dragging in the morning, this always gets me going:

And while I’m at it, here was my teenage-angst anthem. I once wrote all the lyrics in a concentric circle pattern, inside a card for my high school sweetheart. This was “our” song. No matter that it’s all about a doomed relationship…

Yeah, that’s me right now, with laundry and deadlines looming, and missing my boo.

So what’s a girl to do? I know…play the music we set our wedding video to!

Peter Gabriel made this famous, but we love, love, love Jeffrey Gaines’s version.  Lyrics get me every time:

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

Techboo chose this one from his favorite singer, and it’s just perfect:

When I think about how much I’m loving you
No limitations, no set of regimented rules
I’m amazed how much this love has touched my life
And the commitment that we share is a welcome sacrifice

And last but not least…

Today on Twitter, someone tweeted about the importance of having cheerleaders in your life.  I’m happy to say that I have cheerleaders and that I try to be a cheerleader for others whenever I can.  I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of encouragement and help, so I know it can literally be a lifesaver.

After my mother died, there were times when I literally felt like I could not get up, and my friends were there for me.  My friend Becky was there then, and she was there again for me this week.  She’s dealing with her own stuff, and yet she reached out saying that she knew with the kids, the puppies, teaching, and the wedding coming up, I could probably use some help.  Boy, was she right.

Around the same time of my mother’s passing, a woman I did not know stumbled upon my custom writing service site.  She went on to become my biggest client, a cheerleader, and a dear friend. She gave me a professional chance to a degree that no one else ever had.  Thank you, Taneshia.

Another friend, S, runs an errand service.  Talk about the best wedding gift ever: Last week, she gave us 5 hours of her service for free.

This morning, a fellow writer whom I’ve only cyber-met, has joined the ranks of the dozen-plus folks who have written wonderful blurbs to accompany our co-parenting book proposal.  Blurbs are those killer quotes that, God-willing, will be printed on the back of our book jacket and used to promote the book.  Publishers care a lot about blurbs; getting them means that experts in the field and already-published folks find value in our book.

Late 2008/early 2009, a woman I did not know reached out to me via email to ask if maybe we could collaborate; she was about to launch a site for African-American co-parents.  Today, she is my collaborator, sister-friend, online radio co-host, life coach, and sounding board.  Thank you, Talibah.

TechBoo, my best friend, my love, likes to call me his favorite writer.  Well, I call him my favorite editor.  He has a sharp eye, and unless my deadline won’t allow, he reads everything I write before I send it into the world.  Gotta love a man who will debate with me about a misplaced “is.”  It means so much to me that he values my writing, enough to not only celebrate my successes, but also to give his time to the nuts and bolts of it.

So today and everyday, I look for ways to pay all this help, love, and encouragement forward.  I’ve found one today, so far.  How about you?  Who’s cheering for you?  Who have you cheered for today?

I know the Beatles did this first, but Joe Crocker did it best:

Thanks, as always, to El Ex for making this possible.  Because he acts like a grown up and doesn’t disparage TechBoo (or me, for that matter) to our girls, the girls are free to build relationships with TechBoo in their own way and in their own good time with TechBoo.  He’s not trying to replace their father, and their father isn’t threatened by Techboo’s active presence in their girls’ lives or their affection for him.  We’ve talked, and while it’s human to feel at least a Little Something when a new partner is spending time with your kids, again, maturity and security win out.  Ultimately, we don’t burden the girls with our grown-up concerns.  They never have to worry about loyalty or feeling guilty for having a good time with their new stepmom or their soon-to-be stepdad.

This is not to say that their feelings about the remarriages aren’t mixed and complicated.  It is to say that we’ve been conscious not to add drama and negativity to their concerns.

The following video is all kinds of Not Exactly Appropriate for the Situation, but this is the song I had running through my head when TechBoo arrived tonight.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jermaine Jackson before his transformation into a shellac-ed California Raisin was complete:

Memo to Anita: I feel for you, but it’s never a good idea to piss off “exasperate” a judge.

Anita Baker Could Face Jail in Royalty Dispute with Her Ex

Multi-tasking stats: This entry was half-heartedly posted while contemplating natural remedies to clear my congested right sinus (diagnosed by my dentist, of all people, via 3-D x-ray); thanking God for health insurance; mulling over the tens of thousands (literally) of emails in my inbox and the 80 of them I actually need to address; drafting a review in my head of a book I haven’t finished reading yet; and really missing my TechBoo.

UPDATE: Looks like everything worked out for Ms. Baker after all.  Good for her.

Why is today made of awesome sauce, you ask?  Why is it gonna be lovely?

First, this afternoon, El Ex and I are signing on the dotted line with our fabulous agent, Danielle Chiotti of Upstart Crow Literary Agency. Danielle will rep up us, shopping our co-parenting book proposal around to publishing houses.  Fingers crossed for a strong, quick response!

Then, in about 24 hours, I will be boo-ed up once again with my sweetie, heading to a weekend getaway.  Details when I get back…maybe. Teehee.

Hope your day is lovely too! xo